For your older child, a new baby is wonderful news and an earthquake at the same time. Their whole world has been organised around them, and now someone small, loud and very interesting to the grown-ups is moving in. Mixed feelings are not a failure of preparation. They are the normal response to a very big change.
Here is what parenting and paediatric organisations recommend, and how stories can help a child make sense of it all, before the baby arrives and in the months after.
Before the baby arrives
Tell them in a way that fits their age
For a two- or three-year-old, months are meaningless; link the arrival to something they understand, like “when it’s warm again” or “after your birthday”. Older pre-schoolers like concrete details: where the baby will sleep, who will look after them while you are at the hospital, what a newborn actually does (mostly sleep, cry and feed, which can be a relief to hear).
Read and listen to stories about new siblings
The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests reading children’s books about newborns and siblings with your child, and Naître et grandir also recommends simple books about birth. Stories let a child try on the role of big brother or big sister before it is real, and ask questions they might not ask directly.
Make changes early
If your older child needs to move bedroom, change bed or start nursery, try to do it well before the birth, so it doesn’t feel like the baby took their place.
When the baby is here
Invite them to help, but don’t insist
Fetching a nappy, choosing the baby’s outfit, singing to the baby: the AAP recommends finding ways to invite your child to help. Zero to Three adds an important nuance: encourage it, “but don’t force it”. Some children want to be involved in everything; others want nothing to do with the baby for a while. Both are fine.
Protect a little time that is only theirs
Both the AAP and Zero to Three recommend regular one-on-one time with the older child. Naître et grandir puts it well: a short special moment every day is worth more than a long one at the weekend. Ten minutes of undivided attention, with the baby asleep or with another adult, can change the mood of a whole day. Bedtime is often the easiest slot to protect.
Expect some regression
Asking for a bottle, baby talk, toilet accidents after months of being dry: the AAP tells parents to expect their child to regress a little, and Zero to Three notes that the more matter-of-fact your response, the sooner these “baby” behaviours tend to fade. Your child is checking that there is still room for them to be little. Reassure them that there is.
Let them say the hard things
“Can we send her back?” is a very normal question. You can accept the feeling while holding the line on behaviour: “You’re fed up that the baby cries so much. I get that. You can tell me, and you can stomp your feet, but we’re gentle with the baby.”
Why a story about a new sibling helps
A child rarely says “I feel displaced and I am worried you love me less.” They say it with behaviour. Stories give them the words. When a character they love becomes a big brother or sister, feels jealous, does something clumsy, and is reassured that they are still loved, the child can recognise themselves without being put on the spot.
Good new-sibling stories tend to:
- show mixed feelings as normal, including being cross with the baby;
- give the older child a real role (the one who makes the baby laugh, the one who knows the songs);
- make clear, without a lecture, that love is not a cake that gets cut into smaller slices;
- end calmly and warmly, especially at bedtime.
Using Keoma for it
With Keoma you can make an audio story starring your older child’s favourite hero, in a world they love, with a lesson such as kindness, patience or empathy, and listen to it together during that protected one-on-one time. Keoma writes the story for your child’s age and produces it with a narrator, a voice for each character, music and sound effects, in English or French. You can listen to it before your child does, and every script gets an AI safety review first.
Because it is audio, it also works when your hands are full. A story your older child can listen to while you feed the baby, sitting next to you, can turn a tense moment into a shared one. You can hear a sample story without an account, and the plans are on the pricing page.
One honest caveat: a story is a support, not a substitute. The AAP’s Q&A on audiobooks cites research in which 4- and 5-year-olds understood a story best when a parent shared it with them. Listen together when you can, and talk about it afterwards: “Do you think the dragon was cross with the baby? Have you ever felt like that?”
When to ask for help
Jealousy and regression are part of the normal adjustment. If, after several months, your child seems persistently unhappy, aggressive towards the baby despite your efforts, or loses skills they had firmly acquired, talk to your paediatrician or GP.
Big changes often come in pairs: if your older child is also starting school, our first day of school guide may help too.